I'm baaack!

Oh....hello. I rediscovered my blog recently (it was today), and I decided a 5 year hiatus was long enough to deprive anyone of my wit and interesting thoughts. Also, I remembered that I started this blog to entertain Sarah, so I asked her if she still needed to be entertained. She affirmed that she always does, so now all I have to do is think of something witty and interesting to say...

*2 hours later*

Okay, I thought of something. I decided to talk about Washington DC. It may not be witty, but by Jove if you don't find it interesting then you probably hate America or something. Maybe kittens, too. Basically all things patriotic and adorable.

This is going to be a very brief account of my summer exploits. As summer 2014 neared, Holli and I thought to ourselves, "boy, we need an adventure." So, naturally, we both decided to move to DC for the summer. I was stuck in a rut, ready for a change. And Holli has summers off since she teaches high school, so it was all pretty perfect. We packed up and set out. We spent a couple weeks on the road, taking our sweet time getting there and visiting family, friends, and cool places on the way. Once we got there we settled in to the room we were subletting and met our awesome roommates. Guys and gals, this was such an awesome summer. Sleeping in, going to museums, seeing cool monuments, finding great hikes, watching fireworks at the reflection pool, sweating buckets the moment you step outside, killing huge centipedes and spiders, going to Boston, visiting Sarah in Philly, exercising, meeting new people, having BBQs, etc. Okay, so I was actually terrified that the centipedes would carry me off to their lairs during the night and feed me to their families. Those things were disgusting. We quickly armed ourselves and drowned the suckers in excessive amounts of Raid whenever we saw them. Actually, when we were packing up we saw one escape behind my backpack and we never found it again, so I think it probably slipped into my bag and it's plotting an elaborate scheme to avenge the mass murder it witnessed. Anyway, the time to leave came very quickly, and we were pretty desperate to find a place to live back in UT, so we left and didn't take nearly as much time to drive back as we did to get there. What a summer! I guess if you want a more detailed account you can ask me for more specifics. And I'm not putting pictures on here because I already posted hundreds on Facebook. And if you're not friends with me on Facebook, well, then why are you reading my blog?

The Best Four Years

I realized the other day that I can't go into high schools without getting really nostalgic. And I mean REALLY nostalgic-- to the point where I start thinking about constructing a time machine. I thought this only happened when I went back to my OWN high school, but no, my little sister had an ice cream party thing for her science group at the local high school and I quickly learned that any one will set me right off. I LOVED high school. Such great times! Soccer, choir, friends, trips, being Prom queen. If you are rolling your eyes that I mention that last one, I am giving you a virtual dirty look because you will never ever convince me that if you were Prom queen you wouldn't like to tell people about it, so get off your high horse. It's not conceit, it's freaking cool. Anyway, man I loved high school. And now I know to avoid all high schools lest I lose myself in a reverie of memories and wishing. Lesson learned!

praise God, from whom all blessings flow

I've been a little concerned about my finances lately what with not being employed for the next 18 months and having to purchase many things in preparation, but God's good graces have smiled upon me.
Example 1- Since cell phones are not allowed in the mission field, I was bracing myself to shell out like 200 bucks to cancel my contract. So I went in today to ask about it and to my delight my contract ended in January! Fantastic!
Example 2- I got a card in the mail from my Aunt the other day that contained a check for one hundred big ones. Amazing!
Example 3- For the longest time I wasn't getting a lot of hours at work-- 2, maybe 3 days a week. But the last couple weeks I've gotten lots and lots of hours so I expect a nice fat paycheck on Friday. Wonderful!
Example 4- I'm getting my tax return soon. Cha ching!

Ahh, financial blessings galore!

True Love

I've fallen deeply in love... with my new scarf! Seriously, it's fabulous. I never want to not wear it. From now on it will be my trademark so that if we are ever separated people will become highly concerned and ask with knitted brows, "where's your scarf? Is everything okay?" The good news is now that I'm a seasoned blogger I think I've figured out how to post pictures. Let's give it a go.

Cha ching!! And WOW what a great scarf that girl is wearing! She should never not wear it!

I have also fallen deeply in love with my new camera. I'd post a picture of it, but I'd have to take one with my old camera and I wouldn't want feelings of jealousy to strain my new relationship. I'm very loyal.

Stars: They're NOT Omnipotent!! (WHAT??)

You know how in gossip magazines they have that section called something like Stars: They're Just Like Us? I would like to discuss that for a moment. I find it highly ridiculous. There's a picture of some celeb doing something mundane with an excited caption like "They drink coffee in the morning!!" WOW! What a revelation! And here I thought they recharged like a battery. Okay but the worst one I ever saw was a few years ago and it was so stupid that I can never forget it. The caption read "They step over puddles!!" Let's pause for a moment to think about the question that surely popped into all of our heads: "Are you freaking kidding me??" Apparently our reaction is supposed to be astonishment, as if we all think celebrities find themselves too important to be inconvenienced by lowly puddles and they expect them to move from under their feet. But no! Now (thank goodness) we know that they, too, have to step over puddles and so they are JUST LIKE US! This is really good for my self esteem. But only for the reason that I realize I don't have such a stupid job as running that section of the magazine. I can imagine the board meetings:

Boss: Here we have a picture of Jennifer Aniston getting her hair cut. Can anyone think of a really exciting caption?

*long pause*

Bill: How about....They get their nails done!

Greg: That may work, but what about....They get their.....hair...............cut?

Boss: Genious! Nice work Greg, you'll be getting a hefty bonus this year! Great meeting everyone, see you next week.


....please spare me. Nobody should care that Orlando Bloom ties his own shoes. I am indeed aware that celebrities are, for the most part, HUMAN BEINGS. How about you people get a life, and maybe some real jobs while you're at it. Perhaps you could photograph celebrities at their worst so we can gawk at them.....


Don't get me started on that....

Random Thoughts: Back With A Vengeance

A couple more thoughts from my brilliant mind:

1. Has anyone ever noticed how some people seem to have a british accent when really they don't? Like the guy who plays the Grandpa on Gilmore Girls (I don't even watch the show, so hopefully you know what I'm talking about. Also I can't remember if he's really the guy I'm thinking of). But when he (or whoever I'm thinking of) speaks you have to be paying attention to realize he's not speaking with an accent. Does this make any sense? Maybe it's just me. I've heard several other people with this quality. What a strange phenomenon.

2. One of the smallest things in life that gives me such great amusement is texting goofs. You know how you'll be texting and your phone will guess which word you want? Well when it's wrong I like to read the sentence back to myself with the incorrect word and it always cracks me right up! Let me think of some examples.

cool=book: "That is so book!"
rain=pain: "It was pouring down pain over here"
Janae=Lance: "Hey Lance, how are ya?"
card=cape: "I sent her a birthday cape last week"

Ha ha! Delightful!

Random Thoughts

Well it's been a while since my last post, so to appease the massive hoarde of fans (all three of you who read this), I figured I'd better jot down some of my thoughts.

1. I was at work the other day fixing up the dog treat aisle and BOY they have some delicious sounding flavors! Cheese and bacon....filet mignon....I almost wanted to open some up and have a snack myself! The good news is I restrained myself. I am aware that dog treats are highly inappropriate for me. Oh, also did you guys know that there are actual Scooby Snacks? It blew my mind!

2. I'm going to Wicked on Saturday (YAY) and I would just like to say that I loved it way before it was so popular. Janae and I plan to start an elite club of true fans like us. If anyone would like to join you will have to prove your dedication.

3. I believe congratulations are in order-- my betrothed is going to win American Idol! Because he's a big hottie and a fantastic singer. I'm referring, of course, to Adam Lambert. Thanks to Sarah for hooking us up. And by that I mean she told me about him, ha ha.

4. I'd say something about The Bachelor, as everyone else seems to be, but I didn't watch it. I'll just say the obligatory "what a jerk!" I prefer The Bachelorette because I can't stand catty women and in The Bachelorette there's only one and she's nice.

Well, that'll do for now! Please don't judge me for craving dog treats...